Rules.

Me: Could you go get in the bath, please Bubs?

Mabel: (sobbing. head pressed against the upstairs back bedroom screen window. looking forlornly down the street at her friends.) I don't like Daddy anymore.

Me:  What happened? Tell me.

Mabel:  Daddy made me come inside and quit playing. and NOBODY else has to go in yet, they're still playing outside.

Me:  Mabes, it's 7 o'clock. Everybody goes in pretty close to 7. They're gonna go in any second. All of them. You all have roughly the same bedtime.

Mabel:  Uh uh. Katelyn gets to stay up later. She told me.

Me:  Well, Katelyn is 9. You are four.

Mabel:  Yeah. I'm gonna be 9 one time. I should have thought better of that.

Me:  Yeah.

Mabel:  Why do grown-ups get to stay up late and kids don't?

Me:  Because we're adults, and adults make all the rules. That's just the way it is. But it changes, because you grow up and you become an adult. Then you get to make all your own rules. And the better your rules are, the better you'll do out there.

Mabel:  Yeah. That makes sense.

Me:  Yeah? Good.

Mabel:  And your Mommy and Daddy died right, so now you have me and you get to make the rules for me right?

Me:  Right. And I try to make good rules for you so that you'll be better at making your own rules when the time comes. Make sense?

Mabel:  Yeah.

Me:  And we'll work on letting you start making some of your own rules very soon, okay? It'll be one of our summer projects.  What do you think?

Mabel:  Yeah, I want to make a rule. And then Team Brookalieh has to follow it.

Me: Okay.

Mabel:  My rule is I always get ice cream after dinner and you have to give it to me and let me have it, and you can't say, "NO CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM FOR YOU YOU DID NOT FINISH YOUR DINNER!"

Me:  Daddy and I will conference on that.


A little pause. Then...


Mabel: I love Daddy.

Me:  I know. Go get in the bath.

Not Tricked, No Treat.

Mabel:  Mom-mee? For eating so much dinner, can I have a treat? 

Me:  (looking at her virtually untouched dinner plate) No, Mabes. You can't.

Mabel:  Whyyy? 

Me:  Because just saying 'I ate so much', isn't the same as actually eating. You didn't eat anything, Mabes. 

Mabel:  I'm not hungry. 

Me:  Okay, but then don't ask for a treat. 

Mabel:  My tummy told me that it doesn't want broccoli. 

Me:  Well, my Mommy-ness out-ranks your tummy. 

Mabel:  Then I'm not going to love you anymore. 

Me:  Okay. 

Mabel:  When you ask for a hug, I'm going to say 'no'. 

Me:  I'll take it under advisement. 

Mabel:  Mom-mee? If you give me a treat, I'll eat the rest of my broccoli. 

Me:  That's not the way it works, buddy. 

Mabel:  Do you know what I'm doing right now? I'm looking for another family to come get me.  I'll go live with Anasofia's mommy. Then you'll never get to see me. You'll miss me. 

Me:  Yes I will. 

Mabel:  You'll have to find another little girl to love you, because I won't love you anymore. 

Me:  I'll be very sad. It will be hard because I love you so much. 

Mabel:  Maybe your next girl will eat my broccoli. 

Me:  Ooh, do you think so? I'll put that in my ad. 

Mabel:  What ad? 

Me:  The one I'm going to put in the paper, looking for a new little girl to replace you when you go away. Ooh, I guess I'd better go pack your bag. This is the sad part, huh?

Mabel:  Yes. 

There's a long pause, followed by several mouthfuls of broccoli. 

Mabel:  Mom-mee? You wouldn't really get another kid, would you? 

Me:  You'd be impossible to replace, Mabes. I'd never let you go. 

Mabel:  I love you Mommy. And I love broccoli! I just remembered! 

After chewing several bites of broccoli at the same time, Mabel takes a messy hunk of green out of her mouth and not-so-subtley drops it on the floor beneath her chair. 

Mabel:  Mom-mee? NOW can I have a treat? 

Parlez-vous bullshit?

Mabel:  Mommy. Listen to this: (incomprehensible)!!!  I speak French now.

Me:  Oh. Well, next year you're going to learn French in school.

Mabel:  I don't need to learn, I know French.

Me:  Well, you could learn a little more. And you could learn enough to teach me.

Mabel:  Don't you know French?

Me:  Only a little.

Mabel:  Listen to what I know: (pure gobbledeegook)!!! See? I know more French than you.

Me:  Yes, I guess you're right.

Mabel:  Maybe I should be teaching the whole class!

Me:  Well, then you'd be taking jobs away from teachers and they already have enough problems.

Mabel:  Why?

Me:  Well, because the government doesn't treat them very well.

Mabel:  Why?

Me:  Well, it's hard to explain.

Mabel:  Try, Mommy.

Me:  Well, the government makes them work more for the same money.

Mabel:  They get money?!?

Me:  Of course! Teachers are working when they're in the classroom.

Mabel:  What are they doing?

Me:  They're taking care of you, and they're teaching you things.

Mabel:  Mommy, I learned French on my own though. My teacher didn't teach me.

Me:  I guess you're just a natural.

Mabel:  I guess so. Maybe I should talk to the government and tell them to be nicer to teachers.

Me:  Well, you sure do speak their language.

Mabel:  You mean French? Listen: (absolute poppycock)!!!!

Me:  Yep, that's exactly what I mean. 

Birthday Presence

Mabel:  When is it going to be my birthday?

Me:  In a couple of months, Mabes. 

Mabel:  How long is that? 

Me:  (showing on calendar) Every one of these squares is a whole day. So we have to go from here...to here. Then it's your birthday. 

Mabel:  So the next day?

Me:  Well, this day is your birthday. 

Mabel:  Can it be tomorrow? 

Me:  How come? 

Mabel:  Because everyone in my class is having a birthday and they're turning 5. I want to turn 5. 

Me:  You will, Mabes. You just have to be patient. 

Mabel:  Uggh, I HATE being patient! You always say I have to be patient! If you don't let me have my birthday I'm never going to cuddle with you again. Only Daddy will get cuddles! And Teita! None for you! Is that what you want? 

Me:  No. 

Mabel:  Well, I think you should take a time out then and think about what you need to do to make it my birthday. 

Me:  A time out? 

Mabel:  Yep. On the stairs. Go sit on the stairs. 

Me:  Alright Mabes. (I go sit on the stairs).

Mabel:  Are you thinking? 

Me:  Yes. 

Mabel:  Are you ready to come out of time out? 

Me:  Yes. 

Mabel:  Alright, come on out.  Now is it my birthday tomorrow? 

Me:  No Mabes, as hard as I tried, I couldn't make those months and weeks go by with my mind. 

Mabel:  Why?

Me:  Because getting to your birthday involves having patience, and that's what I'm practising - patience. I know your birthday will come eventually and it will be more fun because I was patient.

Mabel:  I could have done it.

Me:  Okay well, I promise you Mabes, if you're patient and you enjoy the rest of the school year, your birthday will come before you know it. And it will be even better because you were patient and you waited.

Mabel:  Sounds like somebody's making excuses.

Me:  Who, me?

Mabel:  Well, there's no one else here I'm talking to, is there?

Me:  Noted.

Mabel: Sorry Mommy, that was rude. I shouldn't have said that.

Me:  Aw thanks Mabes. I love you. It's okay.

Mabel:  Is my birthday closer now?

Me:  Yes.

Mabel:  Yay!

Spring Awakening

Mom-mee? Guess wut. Today? On the way to hip-hop class? You know what I saw? It was a flower. And you know wut kind of flower? It was a pussy flower.
I saw a pussy flower.
And you know wut? One of the pussy flowers had fallen down? And Daddy said I could pick it up? And I took it to class with me. And I showed it to the kids in my class?
Did you know we're going to do a show? We are. We're doing it...on a STAGE!
I told all the kids that you told me it was a pussy flower? And I let them touch it? And then I dropped my pussy flower on the way home. And I lost it. I lost my pussy flower, Mama.

Mom-mee? Why are you laughing? 

Clean Up Batter.

Mabel:  This is unacceptable.

Me:  What is, Mabes?

Mabel:  This room. I can't believe what a mess it is, and I am. Not. Happy.

Me:  Well, why don't we pitch in together and clean it up?

Mabel:  No Mommy, the maker of this mess needs to clean it up, and that is me. I'm cleaning it.

Me:  Okay, good for you Mabel. Everyone can make a mess, but only smart people know about cleaning up their messes.

Mabel:  Mommy, today? At school? I made the hugest mess. It was like, not even, it was unbelievable.

Me:  Uh huh. So then what did you do about it?

Mabel:  Nothing. I said, hey this mess is not good and Deyen and Carter came over to help me clean it.

Me:  Well that's nice. Did you all clean together?

Mabel:  No I let them clean it because they wanted to do that and I went and played with Play Doh.

Me:  You didn't help them clean?

Mabel:  No. I know boys like to clean up for girls. Daddy always starts cleaning when you walk into a room and say it's unacceptable.

Me:  Okay, yeah, but I usually help him clean. Especially if it was my own mess.

Mabel:  But then what's a boy's job?

Me:  Pardon?

Mabel:  Daddy cuts the grass, but it's not the season. So Daddy has to clean.

Me:  Well Daddy, um boys do a lot of things. They do everything that girls do. And if they live all by themselves they have to do EVERYTHING  that girls and boys do, all by themselves.

Mabel:  That's sad.

Me:  Not really Mabes. Some people like living alone, it makes them very happy. It's all about living the way that's right for you. And being happy.

Mabel:  Okay, but it makes me really happy when I can get the boys at school to do my work for me.

Me:  Yeah. I'm going to let your Dad bat clean up on that one. 

Use Your Words.

At bedtime...

Me:  G'night Mabes.

Mabel:  Mommy?

Me:  Yup.

Mabel:  Today? At school? I was playing with Jetsan? And Carter and Deyen were like, we want to play too.

Me:  Uh huh.

Mabel:  Yeah, and they were like, 'we wanna play with Mabel'. It was silly.

Me:  Oh yeah, so did you play with everybody?

Mabel:  No.  I mean, yes.

Me:  Oh.

Mabel:  Yeah, and then Celeste came up and said, 'hey Mabes what are you doing?' and then Amelie ran up and then all the girls ran up and then this swirly thing happened and then all the girls in the whole class ran up to me and then Ms. Woods joined in, and then Ms. Farmer and then all the teachers joined in and all the kids and everyone was going 'yeah!' and we were in the gym and everyone in the whole school was there and they were all like, 'Mabel!' and they lifted me, and then i didn't know what to do.

It was so silly. Why did that happen?

Me:  Well Mabes, it sounds like you were either part of a flash mob, or a spontaneous Bollywood number.

Mabel:  What's 'spontaneous'?

Me:  When you do something or think of something right on the spot without planning it beforehand.

Mabel:  Mommy, something happened to my eyes, they won't close anymore.

Me:  Oh yeah, isn't that weird that only happens at bedtime. Is there any chance you're fibbing?

Mabel:  No. I'm spontaneous.