Parlez-vous bullshit?

Mabel:  Mommy. Listen to this: (incomprehensible)!!!  I speak French now.

Me:  Oh. Well, next year you're going to learn French in school.

Mabel:  I don't need to learn, I know French.

Me:  Well, you could learn a little more. And you could learn enough to teach me.

Mabel:  Don't you know French?

Me:  Only a little.

Mabel:  Listen to what I know: (pure gobbledeegook)!!! See? I know more French than you.

Me:  Yes, I guess you're right.

Mabel:  Maybe I should be teaching the whole class!

Me:  Well, then you'd be taking jobs away from teachers and they already have enough problems.

Mabel:  Why?

Me:  Well, because the government doesn't treat them very well.

Mabel:  Why?

Me:  Well, it's hard to explain.

Mabel:  Try, Mommy.

Me:  Well, the government makes them work more for the same money.

Mabel:  They get money?!?

Me:  Of course! Teachers are working when they're in the classroom.

Mabel:  What are they doing?

Me:  They're taking care of you, and they're teaching you things.

Mabel:  Mommy, I learned French on my own though. My teacher didn't teach me.

Me:  I guess you're just a natural.

Mabel:  I guess so. Maybe I should talk to the government and tell them to be nicer to teachers.

Me:  Well, you sure do speak their language.

Mabel:  You mean French? Listen: (absolute poppycock)!!!!

Me:  Yep, that's exactly what I mean. 

Birthday Presence

Mabel:  When is it going to be my birthday?

Me:  In a couple of months, Mabes. 

Mabel:  How long is that? 

Me:  (showing on calendar) Every one of these squares is a whole day. So we have to go from here...to here. Then it's your birthday. 

Mabel:  So the next day?

Me:  Well, this day is your birthday. 

Mabel:  Can it be tomorrow? 

Me:  How come? 

Mabel:  Because everyone in my class is having a birthday and they're turning 5. I want to turn 5. 

Me:  You will, Mabes. You just have to be patient. 

Mabel:  Uggh, I HATE being patient! You always say I have to be patient! If you don't let me have my birthday I'm never going to cuddle with you again. Only Daddy will get cuddles! And Teita! None for you! Is that what you want? 

Me:  No. 

Mabel:  Well, I think you should take a time out then and think about what you need to do to make it my birthday. 

Me:  A time out? 

Mabel:  Yep. On the stairs. Go sit on the stairs. 

Me:  Alright Mabes. (I go sit on the stairs).

Mabel:  Are you thinking? 

Me:  Yes. 

Mabel:  Are you ready to come out of time out? 

Me:  Yes. 

Mabel:  Alright, come on out.  Now is it my birthday tomorrow? 

Me:  No Mabes, as hard as I tried, I couldn't make those months and weeks go by with my mind. 

Mabel:  Why?

Me:  Because getting to your birthday involves having patience, and that's what I'm practising - patience. I know your birthday will come eventually and it will be more fun because I was patient.

Mabel:  I could have done it.

Me:  Okay well, I promise you Mabes, if you're patient and you enjoy the rest of the school year, your birthday will come before you know it. And it will be even better because you were patient and you waited.

Mabel:  Sounds like somebody's making excuses.

Me:  Who, me?

Mabel:  Well, there's no one else here I'm talking to, is there?

Me:  Noted.

Mabel: Sorry Mommy, that was rude. I shouldn't have said that.

Me:  Aw thanks Mabes. I love you. It's okay.

Mabel:  Is my birthday closer now?

Me:  Yes.

Mabel:  Yay!

Spring Awakening

Mom-mee? Guess wut. Today? On the way to hip-hop class? You know what I saw? It was a flower. And you know wut kind of flower? It was a pussy flower.
I saw a pussy flower.
And you know wut? One of the pussy flowers had fallen down? And Daddy said I could pick it up? And I took it to class with me. And I showed it to the kids in my class?
Did you know we're going to do a show? We are. We're doing it...on a STAGE!
I told all the kids that you told me it was a pussy flower? And I let them touch it? And then I dropped my pussy flower on the way home. And I lost it. I lost my pussy flower, Mama.

Mom-mee? Why are you laughing? 

Clean Up Batter.

Mabel:  This is unacceptable.

Me:  What is, Mabes?

Mabel:  This room. I can't believe what a mess it is, and I am. Not. Happy.

Me:  Well, why don't we pitch in together and clean it up?

Mabel:  No Mommy, the maker of this mess needs to clean it up, and that is me. I'm cleaning it.

Me:  Okay, good for you Mabel. Everyone can make a mess, but only smart people know about cleaning up their messes.

Mabel:  Mommy, today? At school? I made the hugest mess. It was like, not even, it was unbelievable.

Me:  Uh huh. So then what did you do about it?

Mabel:  Nothing. I said, hey this mess is not good and Deyen and Carter came over to help me clean it.

Me:  Well that's nice. Did you all clean together?

Mabel:  No I let them clean it because they wanted to do that and I went and played with Play Doh.

Me:  You didn't help them clean?

Mabel:  No. I know boys like to clean up for girls. Daddy always starts cleaning when you walk into a room and say it's unacceptable.

Me:  Okay, yeah, but I usually help him clean. Especially if it was my own mess.

Mabel:  But then what's a boy's job?

Me:  Pardon?

Mabel:  Daddy cuts the grass, but it's not the season. So Daddy has to clean.

Me:  Well Daddy, um boys do a lot of things. They do everything that girls do. And if they live all by themselves they have to do EVERYTHING  that girls and boys do, all by themselves.

Mabel:  That's sad.

Me:  Not really Mabes. Some people like living alone, it makes them very happy. It's all about living the way that's right for you. And being happy.

Mabel:  Okay, but it makes me really happy when I can get the boys at school to do my work for me.

Me:  Yeah. I'm going to let your Dad bat clean up on that one. 

Use Your Words.

At bedtime...

Me:  G'night Mabes.

Mabel:  Mommy?

Me:  Yup.

Mabel:  Today? At school? I was playing with Jetsan? And Carter and Deyen were like, we want to play too.

Me:  Uh huh.

Mabel:  Yeah, and they were like, 'we wanna play with Mabel'. It was silly.

Me:  Oh yeah, so did you play with everybody?

Mabel:  No.  I mean, yes.

Me:  Oh.

Mabel:  Yeah, and then Celeste came up and said, 'hey Mabes what are you doing?' and then Amelie ran up and then all the girls ran up and then this swirly thing happened and then all the girls in the whole class ran up to me and then Ms. Woods joined in, and then Ms. Farmer and then all the teachers joined in and all the kids and everyone was going 'yeah!' and we were in the gym and everyone in the whole school was there and they were all like, 'Mabel!' and they lifted me, and then i didn't know what to do.

It was so silly. Why did that happen?

Me:  Well Mabes, it sounds like you were either part of a flash mob, or a spontaneous Bollywood number.

Mabel:  What's 'spontaneous'?

Me:  When you do something or think of something right on the spot without planning it beforehand.

Mabel:  Mommy, something happened to my eyes, they won't close anymore.

Me:  Oh yeah, isn't that weird that only happens at bedtime. Is there any chance you're fibbing?

Mabel:  No. I'm spontaneous.

Everytime We Say Goodnight...

I come to Mabel's bedroom at 9pm.  She was singing 'Tomorrow' in bed for awhile,
now she's sobbing.

Me:  Aw, what's the matter Mabesy?

Mabel:  I was thinking about Annie, and how she was at the orphanage, and she was looking for her parents, and she found out she was a real orphan because her PA-RENTS-WEREN'T-COMING-BACK-FOR-HER-RER-RER-RER AHAHAHAH!

Me:   Oh Mabes, your Mommy and Daddy are here and we're right downstairs.
We love you sweetheart, don't be sad.

Mabel:  Mommy you and Daddy would never leave me at an orphanage, right?

Me:  No way Mabes, we'd sell you on Ebay!

Mabel:  Mom-mee!

Me:  No! No way Mabes, you are the most important thing in our lives. If Daddy and I didn't have you we'd go bananas. We love our Mabes!

Mabel:  Mommy, my tummy is telling me it doesn't want to sleep.

Me:   I know Mabes, but it's bedtime.
Now what are you going to dream about?

Mabel:  I'm going to dream about you and Daddy.
Mommy, do those lines on your forehead mean you're getting old?

Me:   Well, I wouldn't say old exactly, but old-er. 


Mabel:   But I don't have them, right?

Me:   Right.

Mabel:  Because I'm not old.

Me:   No.

Mabel:  Mommy, does getting old mean you're going to die soon?

Me:  Whoa. Okay, no. It's not as simple as that.
But after you're old for a long time you die, yes.

Mabel:  What is that?

Me:  Um...

Mabel:  Is Teita (Grandma) old?

Me:   Nope. Not our Teita, she's not old at all.

Mabel:  What about Gaga (Great-Grandma)?

Me:   Um, yes Gaga is old.

Mabel:  So she's going to die?

Me:   Some day, yes.

Mabel:   Annie's parents died.  But you're not going to die, right?

Me:   No. (I feel guilty) Not for a long time.

Mabel:  Good, because who would take care of me?

Me:   Well, you don't have to worry about that Mabes. You have lots of people around you who love you and who would take care of you.

Mabel:   It's okay, I would tell them they can't have me, because my Mommy's not going to die.  I'm NEVER going to be an orphan!

Me:  Now it's time to close your eyes and go to sleep.

Mabel:   You're not going to die, right?

Me:   Nope, I'm just going to go downstairs.

Mabel:  Okay, see you tomorrow...Right?

Me:  That's the plan.

Mabel:  Okay g'night Mommy. Remember...no dying.

Me:  Will do.

Mabel:  Okay Mommy, you can go now. I'm tired.

As I'm closing her door...

Mabel:   REMEMBER-WHAT-WE-TALKED A-BOU-OUT!

Me:   G'night Mabel.