Can't Sleep Won't Sleep

Mabel:  Mom-mee?

Me:  Yes,  Mabes.

Mabel:  Um, I can't sleep.

Me:  What do you mean?

Mabel:  (sighing) I just feel...I'm trying to close my eyes but I don't go to sleep. I can't sleep.

Me:   Well to be fair, you're not really trying too hard. You're squeezing your eyes really tight and that's going to make you see stars, but it probably won't make you sleep.

Mabel:  Stars?

Me:  Yeah, those bright lights you see when you squeeze your eyes.

Mabel:  But I like the stars, they keep me company when I'm scared.

Me:  What are you scared of, Mabes?

Mabel:  Monsters. Ghosts. Vampires. Shadows. Scary things. Bats. Monkeys with powers.

Me:  Okay, that's a big list.

Mabel:  Yeah. Things get pretty scary.

Me:  Alright, well lets talk about all those things. Have you ever seen any of them?

Mabel:  Yuh. I saw a bat.

Me:   In your room at night?

Mabel:  No. In that cave at that zoo.

Me:  Well because that's where the bat lives.  And where does everybody want to be when it's nighttime? Home. Just like you at night, all snug and cosy in your bed at home.

Mabel:  Bats don't sleep in beds.

Me:  That is true.

Mabel:  But I get what you mean.

Me:  Oh good Mabes.

Mabel:  Yuh. But I still can't sleep.

Mabel: Well, it's 5. We'll try again at 8, 'kay?

Even When We're Just Having Dinner, We're Making Magic.

Mabel:  Mommy? You know what I'm not understanding right now?

Me:  What Mabes?

Mabel:   Everything you're saying.

Sam:   Shortest 'Mabel Drops Science' ever. 

Phantom pain

 Mabel:  Mommy, okay. You know...when... Okay. Mommy. You know when thurr's just... Mommy what do ghosts be for Halloween?

Me:  What are ghosts for Halloween? Well I think they're ghosts, right? They're already something, they're ghosts.

Mabel:  No.

Me:  No?

Mabel:  Mommy, just listen. Ghosts can't be ghosts because thurr already ghosts and you're suppost to wear a costume. So... Ghosts can't be ghosts!

Me:  I feel like you're really trying to complicate something that ghosts already had pretty figured out, Mabes.

Mabel:  Mommy, you told me I hadta have a costume. Now I'm worried that all the ghosts in the world will feel left out of Halloween because they jus have ghostiness and no costume. Isn't that sad?

Me:  Well I don't know how often they get invited to parties, so maybe it's not even a thing.

Mabel:  Mommy, you're being silly.

Me:  I'll try to watch that.

Mabel:  Mommy, I think I should start finding costumes for the ghosts to wear.

Me:  Good thinkin', Mabes.

Mabel:  Can I look in your closet?

Me:  You want to look in my closet for Halloween costume pieces...for ghosts?

Mabel:  Yeah, spooky clothes an' funny stuff too.

Me:  Things that make you look silly or scary. In my closet.

         Stay down, 'my self esteem'.

What Do The Bugs Want From Me?

Me:  Mabes, why are you walking like that?

Mabel:  Bugs.

Me:  Bugs on the ground?

Mabel:  Everywhere. In the air.

Me:  Oh. Well, bugs live outside Mabes. We don't have to be afraid of them. They're much smaller than we are.

Mabel:  But they fly. They get on me.

Me:  Uh huh. But they don't hurt you, right? They just go about their business.

Mabel:  You mean they go to work?

Me:  Sure, they have jobs to do and they're out getting their work done.

Mabel:  (Snorts) That's ridiculous.

Me:  Look closely,  I think that one has a briefcase.

Mabel:  MOMMY!

Me:  I'm just kidding. But they have jobs, and our big feet sometimes make it hard for them to do what they need to do.

Mabel:  Because they're stinky?

Me:  No. Because they have to worry that we might step on them or be afraid and swat them.

Mabel:  Swat?

Me:  Swat means hit.

Mabel:  Hitting isn't nice. We don't hit people.

Me:  Well, we shouldn't hit bugs either. We just get out of their way and wish them well.

Mabel:  I'm not going to hit bugs. I'm not going to run from them either, because I might step on them.

Me:  Good idea Mabes.


A wasp floats lazily around Mabel. She stands perfectly still and screams at the top of her lungs - horror movie scream - pure terror. Despite this, the wasp takes awhile to float away.


Mabel:  See Mommy? While I was screaming I was thinking about good things happening to that bug. I wished him well.

Mabel:  Good for you,  Mabesy.

Me:   Well, it's just like this - I'm growing up.

Wet Nurse

Mabel:  Mommy, pretend I was your baby and you said 'it's time to go to sleep baby.'

Me:  Baby, it's time to go to sleep.

Mabel:  And you saw that baby was cold so you gave her a blanket and she liked it.

(Mabel makes her baby sound, which sounds like a cross between a bird and an insane person gurgling)

Me: Better cuddle up under this blanket, baby.

Mabel:  And then it was morning and your baby woke up and she wanted milk.

Me:  Good morning, my sweet baby. It's time for your milk.

Mabel:  No, not from a cup. Baby gets milk from Mommy's boob.

Me:  Uh, correction. Baby USED to get milk from there, now she gets it from a cup.

Mabel:  Nooooo! Baby gets milk from your boob!

Me:  Not anymore Mabes.

Mabel:  I'm not MABES!

Me:  Sorry, not anymore 'baby'.

Mabel:  But you're a bad Mommy if you don't let your baby have your boob.

Me:  I'll take my chances in court. How about some blueberries, baby?

Mabel:  Okay.  (Pause) Can you put them in your shirt and I'll find them?

Me:  Nope.

Mabel:  I don't want to be your baby anymore. I'm going to find a Mommy who'll let me have her boob to drink from.

Me:  Well, your best bet is to head to Whole Foods.

Mabel:  I'm taking my DOLLY and I'm GOING UPSTAIRS!

(Doing just that, she stomps on each one of our 14 stairs to drive home her point. There is silence from upstairs and 10 minutes later I go up to her room to check on her.)

Me:  Mabes?

Mabel:  I'm feeding my baby!

(She stands up, fully naked behind her bedroom door with her dolly pasted to her breast. )

Me:  Wow! You really get involved, huh?

Mabel:  Yeah. She's a good girl. But she's still thirsty. Maybe you should feed her.

Me:  Well, she's YOUR baby, and I think you're doing a great job.

Mabel:  Yeah, but I'm getting so tired.

Me:  Being a Mommy is pretty tiring Mabes. But it's great too.

Mabel:  Yeah. Mommy, can my baby just drink from a bottle? I'm tired of feeding her.

Me:  Sure Mabes.

Mabel:  Look! She drank so much there's nothing left in my boob! It's totally flat! Wow, I need a drink!

Me:  I'm so glad we started our blog.

Mabel:  Why Mommy?

Me:  Ask me 16 years from now.

Please. Eat.

Me:  Mabel, please sit down and eat your breakfast.

Mabel: Okay-okay-okay.

(Pause.)

Mabel: I'm sitting.

Me:  Now eat something, please. Mabel. Eat something. Please.

Mabel: What's the majick word?

Me:  I said it.

Mabel:  No you didn't, Mommy.

Me:  Yes, I did. Now eat.

Mabel:  Mommy, you know the word I like to hear. Why don't you say it?

Me:  Yes, I did say it Mabel! Now EAT please! That's the magic word, I said it, now EAT!

Mabel:  That's where the majick word goes, right there, after 'eat', 'NOW EAT PLEASE'! You have to say please, Mommy. It's majick.

Me:  Mabel, you're magic, you're making me nuts. No kidding. Now stop stalling and eat something please, or I'm eating your breakfast myself and you'll be hungry.

Mabel:  Nooooo!

Me:  Then please eat!

Mabel: OKAY-OKAY-OKA-A-AY!

(Mabel eats two bites in silence.)

Mabel: Mommy, I love you.

Me:  I love you too, Mabes.

Mabel:  I have a hug for you.

Me:  Stay in your chair Mabes, you can give me the hug after you eat.

Mabel: Hug-gy!

(I reluctantly allow her to get out of her chair. I receive a lovely hug and kiss.)

Mabel: Hug for Daddy!

(Daddy receives same.)

Me:  Thank you Mabel, now back to your breakfast please.

(Mabel returns to her chair. She takes another bite.)

Mabel:  I'm full. I'm not hungry anymore.

Me: Mabes, you have to eat.  You can't go to daycare on an empty stomach. They won't give you any food until lunchtime and you'll be hungry.

Mabel:  No, I'm full.

Me:  No way, Mabes. You're eating more, you're not wasting that food.

Mabel:  Noooooo! I don't want anymore! My tummy hurts!

Me:  Mabel! You're fibbing! You just want to leave the table! YOU HAVE TO EAT! If you want to go to play, you have to eat!

Mabel:  I'm full!

Me:  Fine! But there are no snacks coming before lunch. I need you to know that.

Mabel:  I know! I don't want a snack!

Me:  Alright. Fine. You're excused.

(I start cleaning up the table. Mabel plays around me. She follows me into the kitchen as I carry her plate.)

Mabel: (very quietly) I don't want a snack, Mommy.  K'nai have a popsicle tho?

Me: Too soon, Mabes. (handing her her breakfast plate) Back to the table.

True Meaning Of Birthday.

Mabel:  It's my birthday, right?

Me:  On Friday. But tomorrow we're going to have a party so that all of your school friends can be there.

Mabel:  For my birthday?

Me:  That's right.

Mabel:  Because tomorrow is my birthday?

Me: Well, your birthday is on Friday. You have the same birthday as Canada.

Mabel:  Is it Canada's birthday tomorrow?

Me:  No, Canada's birthday is Friday.

Mabel: (tearing up) I want to have the same birthday as Canada.

Me:  You do! We're just celebrating tomorrow so that your friends from school can come.

Mabel:  Don't they know Canada?

Me:  Yes, they know Canada.

Mabel:  So why can't I have the same birthday as Canada anymore?

Me:  You do have the same birthday as Canada. It's like you're getting an EXTRA birthday this year.

Mabel:  Why doesn't Canada get an EXTRA birthday?

Me:  Because they voted Conservative.

Mabel:  Huh?

Me:  We're going to do a big party for Canada's birthday, just like we always do. And some of your friends will be there, but not all your school friends.

Mabel:  I love my birthday. I get swimming and fireworks.

Me: I know, it's a pretty awesome birthday Mabes. You'll always have the day off.

Mabel:  Even when I'm big?

Me:  Yep. July 1st is a holiday for everyone in Canada.

Mabel:  That's so rock n' roll n' awesome.

Me:  Yes it is, Bubs.

Mabel:  Happy birthday Mommy.

Me:  It's not MY birthday Mabesy.

Mabel:  Yes it is. You're Canada, and Daddy's Canada, and Teita's Canada, and Amtou's Canada, and Gaga and Abigail and Katelyn and Gia and Anasofia and Bodi.  They're all Canada so it's their birthday too.

Me:  You're right Mabel. Happy birthday to us!

Mabel:  Yeah! But just I get cake, right?

Me:  That's right.

Mabel: I love my birthday.