CRINGE-Y

MONDAY MORNING.
Mabel finds me checking out a ghost tour site. Me and my friend Jen like to take in a ghostly event in honour of Halloween. We're both really into ghosts, spooky places and history. Hot right?

MABEL: Are you guys going to a séance?

ME: Spoooooooooookeeeeeeeeeey ooooooohhhh.

SHE SMIRKS, SHAKES HER HEAD.
MABEL: Cringe!

ME: Mabel, on a scale of 1-10 how 'cringe' am I?

ANOTHER SMIRK.
MABEL: We're not doing this, really?

ME: That's a pretty interesting non-answer.  Am I cringe? I'm not right?

MABEL: Oh yes you are.

ME: Well. I'm Ok. With being cringe. Cringe is cool.

JUST QUIET STILLNESS FROM HER. LIKE WHEN THEY'RE HIDING FROM THE T-REX IN JURASSIC EVERYTHING.

ME: On a scale of like 1-10 with 10 being the 'est' of the cringe-y, how cringe am I?

I WATCH HER REPLAY SOMETHING IN HER HEAD.

Me: Like....when?

Mabel: I have to get ready for school and if we start this I'm going to be late.

SIDE NOTE:   IT'S 8AM. SCHOOL STARTS AT 8:45AM AND WE HAVE A 20 MINUTE WALK TOGETHER TO THE STREETCAR. PLENTY OF TIME FOR A VERY. SHORT. LIST.  

ME: On a scale of 1-10?

MABEL:  Sssssss-sssssss-ffffffffiiivve? Five? Five out of ten?

ME: I have to live with that.

MABEL:  You and me both.
It's just this thing we have to deal with in our family. You're cringe, Daddy's cringe, and I'm a total weirdo. It's our thing.

ME: So it's great being cringe right?

MABEL: Well, sometimes it's embarrassing but like, yeah. We're us.

ME: Yeah. And like...where is Daddy on the 1-10 scale?

THINKING
MABEL: When Daddy first farted in front of my friends I was really embarrassed, but now I know it's just a thing all dads do.

ME: I've been there, Daddy doesn't care who hears him fart.
But what is one thing I do that's really cringe?

MABEL: Nope.

ME: Well which of us has a higher number on the scale?

MABEL:  I'm not putting my parents' cringe-ynesses up against each other! You're both cringe-y!

ME: Tell me the cringe-y-est thing I do!

MABEL: NO!  Because if I do you'll stop doing it!

It's Time

Just a quick note of thanks to everyone who followed this blog over the years. I really enjoyed writing it but took a break because, well, life.

Now Mabel is 11 and in the sixth grade. Our conversations have changed a bit but she's still dropping  science and many of her ideas shock and amaze me. I'm going to return to blogging some of our more interesting sessions and I hope you will keep reading.

xo
Lisa, mom of Mabel

Real Help

We pick up the action as Mabel requests my presence in the bathroom for the 9th time to watch her do a floating trick in the bathtub.

Mabel:  Mommy would you PLEASE come here and watch me?

Me:  No Mabes, I said "This is the last time, the last time."  Now I'm doing something else for you.

Mabel:  What are you doing?

Me:  I'm cleaning your room.

Mabel:  That's nice Mommy. But if you want to do something really nice for me...you'll come here and watch this.

Lemonade

Mabel told me this joke over dinner last night. She learned it at school and she told it really well. So I just got her to repeat it to me. Enjoy!

Lemonade

The duck paddled over to the lemonade stand that day and he says,
"Heyyy buddy, got anyyyyyyy...grapes?"

And the lemonade guy says, "We don't have any grapes, we have lemonade."
And the duck paddled away, but he came paddling back the very next day, and he said...
"Hey duuude, got annnnyyyy grapes?"

And the lemonade guy said, "No, we don't have grapes, this is a lemonade stand."
And the duck paddled away, but he came right back the very next day.
"Heeeeeyyyyyy man, got anyyyyy grapes?"

And the lemonade guy said, "This is a lemonade stand, we don't have grapes and if you ask again I'm going to glue you to a tree and leave you there forever!" And the duck paddled away, but he came paddling back the very next day.
"Heeyyyyy duuude, I've got two questions for you. Got anyyyyyy glue?"

And the lemonade man said, "No! This is a lemonade stand!!!"
And the duck said, "Well then my second question is...got annyyyyy grapes?"


 *Editor's note: At the second telling, Mabel made it 'three' questions and the second question was, "Got any boogery noses?" But the staff here at MDS didn't feel you needed to know that.

This Is Why Mommy Drinks Wine At Dinnertime.

Mabel:  Mommy? Can I have a deal? If I eat all this broccoli, and these pieces of turkey burger, can I be done dinner?

Me:  Mabes, I don't do eating deals. That's Daddy's thing, not mine.

Mabel:  But if I finish those things, can I be done?

Me: I told you Mabes, I don't do deals.

Mabel:  But can I be done if I eat all that?

Me:  No. You have to eat your whole dinner.

Mabel:  But I'm not hungry.

Me:  Okay, well then you'd better go upstairs and go to bed to preserve your energy.

Mabel: I want to go play with Abigail and Catelyn.

Me:  Well, if you don't eat your dinner you're going to be too weak to play.

Mabel:  No I'm not.

Me:  Yeah, you will. And you'll tell me you're hungry too.

Mabel: No I won't.

Me:  Just finish your dinner, Mabes.

Mabel: But if I just eat those pieces I'll be full.

Me:  No deals.

Mabel:  But I can eat just those pieces and be done?

Me:  Fine. Yes.

Mabel:  Can I have ice cream for dessert?


The longest stare down in the history of stare downs happens between us.


Mabel:  I'm pushing it, right?

Me:  Yep.

Mabel:  It's okay, I get it.
You can just give me cookies.

Rules.

Me: Could you go get in the bath, please Bubs?

Mabel: (sobbing. head pressed against the upstairs back bedroom screen window. looking forlornly down the street at her friends.) I don't like Daddy anymore.

Me:  What happened? Tell me.

Mabel:  Daddy made me come inside and quit playing. and NOBODY else has to go in yet, they're still playing outside.

Me:  Mabes, it's 7 o'clock. Everybody goes in pretty close to 7. They're gonna go in any second. All of them. You all have roughly the same bedtime.

Mabel:  Uh uh. Katelyn gets to stay up later. She told me.

Me:  Well, Katelyn is 9. You are four.

Mabel:  Yeah. I'm gonna be 9 one time. I should have thought better of that.

Me:  Yeah.

Mabel:  Why do grown-ups get to stay up late and kids don't?

Me:  Because we're adults, and adults make all the rules. That's just the way it is. But it changes, because you grow up and you become an adult. Then you get to make all your own rules. And the better your rules are, the better you'll do out there.

Mabel:  Yeah. That makes sense.

Me:  Yeah? Good.

Mabel:  And your Mommy and Daddy died right, so now you have me and you get to make the rules for me right?

Me:  Right. And I try to make good rules for you so that you'll be better at making your own rules when the time comes. Make sense?

Mabel:  Yeah.

Me:  And we'll work on letting you start making some of your own rules very soon, okay? It'll be one of our summer projects.  What do you think?

Mabel:  Yeah, I want to make a rule. And then Team Brookalieh has to follow it.

Me: Okay.

Mabel:  My rule is I always get ice cream after dinner and you have to give it to me and let me have it, and you can't say, "NO CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM FOR YOU YOU DID NOT FINISH YOUR DINNER!"

Me:  Daddy and I will conference on that.


A little pause. Then...


Mabel: I love Daddy.

Me:  I know. Go get in the bath.

Not Tricked, No Treat.

Mabel:  Mom-mee? For eating so much dinner, can I have a treat? 

Me:  (looking at her virtually untouched dinner plate) No, Mabes. You can't.

Mabel:  Whyyy? 

Me:  Because just saying 'I ate so much', isn't the same as actually eating. You didn't eat anything, Mabes. 

Mabel:  I'm not hungry. 

Me:  Okay, but then don't ask for a treat. 

Mabel:  My tummy told me that it doesn't want broccoli. 

Me:  Well, my Mommy-ness out-ranks your tummy. 

Mabel:  Then I'm not going to love you anymore. 

Me:  Okay. 

Mabel:  When you ask for a hug, I'm going to say 'no'. 

Me:  I'll take it under advisement. 

Mabel:  Mom-mee? If you give me a treat, I'll eat the rest of my broccoli. 

Me:  That's not the way it works, buddy. 

Mabel:  Do you know what I'm doing right now? I'm looking for another family to come get me.  I'll go live with Anasofia's mommy. Then you'll never get to see me. You'll miss me. 

Me:  Yes I will. 

Mabel:  You'll have to find another little girl to love you, because I won't love you anymore. 

Me:  I'll be very sad. It will be hard because I love you so much. 

Mabel:  Maybe your next girl will eat my broccoli. 

Me:  Ooh, do you think so? I'll put that in my ad. 

Mabel:  What ad? 

Me:  The one I'm going to put in the paper, looking for a new little girl to replace you when you go away. Ooh, I guess I'd better go pack your bag. This is the sad part, huh?

Mabel:  Yes. 

There's a long pause, followed by several mouthfuls of broccoli. 

Mabel:  Mom-mee? You wouldn't really get another kid, would you? 

Me:  You'd be impossible to replace, Mabes. I'd never let you go. 

Mabel:  I love you Mommy. And I love broccoli! I just remembered! 

After chewing several bites of broccoli at the same time, Mabel takes a messy hunk of green out of her mouth and not-so-subtley drops it on the floor beneath her chair. 

Mabel:  Mom-mee? NOW can I have a treat? 

Parlez-vous bullshit?

Mabel:  Mommy. Listen to this: (incomprehensible)!!!  I speak French now.

Me:  Oh. Well, next year you're going to learn French in school.

Mabel:  I don't need to learn, I know French.

Me:  Well, you could learn a little more. And you could learn enough to teach me.

Mabel:  Don't you know French?

Me:  Only a little.

Mabel:  Listen to what I know: (pure gobbledeegook)!!! See? I know more French than you.

Me:  Yes, I guess you're right.

Mabel:  Maybe I should be teaching the whole class!

Me:  Well, then you'd be taking jobs away from teachers and they already have enough problems.

Mabel:  Why?

Me:  Well, because the government doesn't treat them very well.

Mabel:  Why?

Me:  Well, it's hard to explain.

Mabel:  Try, Mommy.

Me:  Well, the government makes them work more for the same money.

Mabel:  They get money?!?

Me:  Of course! Teachers are working when they're in the classroom.

Mabel:  What are they doing?

Me:  They're taking care of you, and they're teaching you things.

Mabel:  Mommy, I learned French on my own though. My teacher didn't teach me.

Me:  I guess you're just a natural.

Mabel:  I guess so. Maybe I should talk to the government and tell them to be nicer to teachers.

Me:  Well, you sure do speak their language.

Mabel:  You mean French? Listen: (absolute poppycock)!!!!

Me:  Yep, that's exactly what I mean. 

Birthday Presence

Mabel:  When is it going to be my birthday?

Me:  In a couple of months, Mabes. 

Mabel:  How long is that? 

Me:  (showing on calendar) Every one of these squares is a whole day. So we have to go from here...to here. Then it's your birthday. 

Mabel:  So the next day?

Me:  Well, this day is your birthday. 

Mabel:  Can it be tomorrow? 

Me:  How come? 

Mabel:  Because everyone in my class is having a birthday and they're turning 5. I want to turn 5. 

Me:  You will, Mabes. You just have to be patient. 

Mabel:  Uggh, I HATE being patient! You always say I have to be patient! If you don't let me have my birthday I'm never going to cuddle with you again. Only Daddy will get cuddles! And Teita! None for you! Is that what you want? 

Me:  No. 

Mabel:  Well, I think you should take a time out then and think about what you need to do to make it my birthday. 

Me:  A time out? 

Mabel:  Yep. On the stairs. Go sit on the stairs. 

Me:  Alright Mabes. (I go sit on the stairs).

Mabel:  Are you thinking? 

Me:  Yes. 

Mabel:  Are you ready to come out of time out? 

Me:  Yes. 

Mabel:  Alright, come on out.  Now is it my birthday tomorrow? 

Me:  No Mabes, as hard as I tried, I couldn't make those months and weeks go by with my mind. 

Mabel:  Why?

Me:  Because getting to your birthday involves having patience, and that's what I'm practising - patience. I know your birthday will come eventually and it will be more fun because I was patient.

Mabel:  I could have done it.

Me:  Okay well, I promise you Mabes, if you're patient and you enjoy the rest of the school year, your birthday will come before you know it. And it will be even better because you were patient and you waited.

Mabel:  Sounds like somebody's making excuses.

Me:  Who, me?

Mabel:  Well, there's no one else here I'm talking to, is there?

Me:  Noted.

Mabel: Sorry Mommy, that was rude. I shouldn't have said that.

Me:  Aw thanks Mabes. I love you. It's okay.

Mabel:  Is my birthday closer now?

Me:  Yes.

Mabel:  Yay!

Spring Awakening

Mom-mee? Guess wut. Today? On the way to hip-hop class? You know what I saw? It was a flower. And you know wut kind of flower? It was a pussy flower.
I saw a pussy flower.
And you know wut? One of the pussy flowers had fallen down? And Daddy said I could pick it up? And I took it to class with me. And I showed it to the kids in my class?
Did you know we're going to do a show? We are. We're doing it...on a STAGE!
I told all the kids that you told me it was a pussy flower? And I let them touch it? And then I dropped my pussy flower on the way home. And I lost it. I lost my pussy flower, Mama.

Mom-mee? Why are you laughing? 

Clean Up Batter.

Mabel:  This is unacceptable.

Me:  What is, Mabes?

Mabel:  This room. I can't believe what a mess it is, and I am. Not. Happy.

Me:  Well, why don't we pitch in together and clean it up?

Mabel:  No Mommy, the maker of this mess needs to clean it up, and that is me. I'm cleaning it.

Me:  Okay, good for you Mabel. Everyone can make a mess, but only smart people know about cleaning up their messes.

Mabel:  Mommy, today? At school? I made the hugest mess. It was like, not even, it was unbelievable.

Me:  Uh huh. So then what did you do about it?

Mabel:  Nothing. I said, hey this mess is not good and Deyen and Carter came over to help me clean it.

Me:  Well that's nice. Did you all clean together?

Mabel:  No I let them clean it because they wanted to do that and I went and played with Play Doh.

Me:  You didn't help them clean?

Mabel:  No. I know boys like to clean up for girls. Daddy always starts cleaning when you walk into a room and say it's unacceptable.

Me:  Okay, yeah, but I usually help him clean. Especially if it was my own mess.

Mabel:  But then what's a boy's job?

Me:  Pardon?

Mabel:  Daddy cuts the grass, but it's not the season. So Daddy has to clean.

Me:  Well Daddy, um boys do a lot of things. They do everything that girls do. And if they live all by themselves they have to do EVERYTHING  that girls and boys do, all by themselves.

Mabel:  That's sad.

Me:  Not really Mabes. Some people like living alone, it makes them very happy. It's all about living the way that's right for you. And being happy.

Mabel:  Okay, but it makes me really happy when I can get the boys at school to do my work for me.

Me:  Yeah. I'm going to let your Dad bat clean up on that one. 

Use Your Words.

At bedtime...

Me:  G'night Mabes.

Mabel:  Mommy?

Me:  Yup.

Mabel:  Today? At school? I was playing with Jetsan? And Carter and Deyen were like, we want to play too.

Me:  Uh huh.

Mabel:  Yeah, and they were like, 'we wanna play with Mabel'. It was silly.

Me:  Oh yeah, so did you play with everybody?

Mabel:  No.  I mean, yes.

Me:  Oh.

Mabel:  Yeah, and then Celeste came up and said, 'hey Mabes what are you doing?' and then Amelie ran up and then all the girls ran up and then this swirly thing happened and then all the girls in the whole class ran up to me and then Ms. Woods joined in, and then Ms. Farmer and then all the teachers joined in and all the kids and everyone was going 'yeah!' and we were in the gym and everyone in the whole school was there and they were all like, 'Mabel!' and they lifted me, and then i didn't know what to do.

It was so silly. Why did that happen?

Me:  Well Mabes, it sounds like you were either part of a flash mob, or a spontaneous Bollywood number.

Mabel:  What's 'spontaneous'?

Me:  When you do something or think of something right on the spot without planning it beforehand.

Mabel:  Mommy, something happened to my eyes, they won't close anymore.

Me:  Oh yeah, isn't that weird that only happens at bedtime. Is there any chance you're fibbing?

Mabel:  No. I'm spontaneous.

Everytime We Say Goodnight...

I come to Mabel's bedroom at 9pm.  She was singing 'Tomorrow' in bed for awhile,
now she's sobbing.

Me:  Aw, what's the matter Mabesy?

Mabel:  I was thinking about Annie, and how she was at the orphanage, and she was looking for her parents, and she found out she was a real orphan because her PA-RENTS-WEREN'T-COMING-BACK-FOR-HER-RER-RER-RER AHAHAHAH!

Me:   Oh Mabes, your Mommy and Daddy are here and we're right downstairs.
We love you sweetheart, don't be sad.

Mabel:  Mommy you and Daddy would never leave me at an orphanage, right?

Me:  No way Mabes, we'd sell you on Ebay!

Mabel:  Mom-mee!

Me:  No! No way Mabes, you are the most important thing in our lives. If Daddy and I didn't have you we'd go bananas. We love our Mabes!

Mabel:  Mommy, my tummy is telling me it doesn't want to sleep.

Me:   I know Mabes, but it's bedtime.
Now what are you going to dream about?

Mabel:  I'm going to dream about you and Daddy.
Mommy, do those lines on your forehead mean you're getting old?

Me:   Well, I wouldn't say old exactly, but old-er. 


Mabel:   But I don't have them, right?

Me:   Right.

Mabel:  Because I'm not old.

Me:   No.

Mabel:  Mommy, does getting old mean you're going to die soon?

Me:  Whoa. Okay, no. It's not as simple as that.
But after you're old for a long time you die, yes.

Mabel:  What is that?

Me:  Um...

Mabel:  Is Teita (Grandma) old?

Me:   Nope. Not our Teita, she's not old at all.

Mabel:  What about Gaga (Great-Grandma)?

Me:   Um, yes Gaga is old.

Mabel:  So she's going to die?

Me:   Some day, yes.

Mabel:   Annie's parents died.  But you're not going to die, right?

Me:   No. (I feel guilty) Not for a long time.

Mabel:  Good, because who would take care of me?

Me:   Well, you don't have to worry about that Mabes. You have lots of people around you who love you and who would take care of you.

Mabel:   It's okay, I would tell them they can't have me, because my Mommy's not going to die.  I'm NEVER going to be an orphan!

Me:  Now it's time to close your eyes and go to sleep.

Mabel:   You're not going to die, right?

Me:   Nope, I'm just going to go downstairs.

Mabel:  Okay, see you tomorrow...Right?

Me:  That's the plan.

Mabel:  Okay g'night Mommy. Remember...no dying.

Me:  Will do.

Mabel:  Okay Mommy, you can go now. I'm tired.

As I'm closing her door...

Mabel:   REMEMBER-WHAT-WE-TALKED A-BOU-OUT!

Me:   G'night Mabel.

Can't Sleep Won't Sleep

Mabel:  Mom-mee?

Me:  Yes,  Mabes.

Mabel:  Um, I can't sleep.

Me:  What do you mean?

Mabel:  (sighing) I just feel...I'm trying to close my eyes but I don't go to sleep. I can't sleep.

Me:   Well to be fair, you're not really trying too hard. You're squeezing your eyes really tight and that's going to make you see stars, but it probably won't make you sleep.

Mabel:  Stars?

Me:  Yeah, those bright lights you see when you squeeze your eyes.

Mabel:  But I like the stars, they keep me company when I'm scared.

Me:  What are you scared of, Mabes?

Mabel:  Monsters. Ghosts. Vampires. Shadows. Scary things. Bats. Monkeys with powers.

Me:  Okay, that's a big list.

Mabel:  Yeah. Things get pretty scary.

Me:  Alright, well lets talk about all those things. Have you ever seen any of them?

Mabel:  Yuh. I saw a bat.

Me:   In your room at night?

Mabel:  No. In that cave at that zoo.

Me:  Well because that's where the bat lives.  And where does everybody want to be when it's nighttime? Home. Just like you at night, all snug and cosy in your bed at home.

Mabel:  Bats don't sleep in beds.

Me:  That is true.

Mabel:  But I get what you mean.

Me:  Oh good Mabes.

Mabel:  Yuh. But I still can't sleep.

Mabel: Well, it's 5. We'll try again at 8, 'kay?

Even When We're Just Having Dinner, We're Making Magic.

Mabel:  Mommy? You know what I'm not understanding right now?

Me:  What Mabes?

Mabel:   Everything you're saying.

Sam:   Shortest 'Mabel Drops Science' ever. 

Phantom pain

 Mabel:  Mommy, okay. You know...when... Okay. Mommy. You know when thurr's just... Mommy what do ghosts be for Halloween?

Me:  What are ghosts for Halloween? Well I think they're ghosts, right? They're already something, they're ghosts.

Mabel:  No.

Me:  No?

Mabel:  Mommy, just listen. Ghosts can't be ghosts because thurr already ghosts and you're suppost to wear a costume. So... Ghosts can't be ghosts!

Me:  I feel like you're really trying to complicate something that ghosts already had pretty figured out, Mabes.

Mabel:  Mommy, you told me I hadta have a costume. Now I'm worried that all the ghosts in the world will feel left out of Halloween because they jus have ghostiness and no costume. Isn't that sad?

Me:  Well I don't know how often they get invited to parties, so maybe it's not even a thing.

Mabel:  Mommy, you're being silly.

Me:  I'll try to watch that.

Mabel:  Mommy, I think I should start finding costumes for the ghosts to wear.

Me:  Good thinkin', Mabes.

Mabel:  Can I look in your closet?

Me:  You want to look in my closet for Halloween costume pieces...for ghosts?

Mabel:  Yeah, spooky clothes an' funny stuff too.

Me:  Things that make you look silly or scary. In my closet.

         Stay down, 'my self esteem'.

What Do The Bugs Want From Me?

Me:  Mabes, why are you walking like that?

Mabel:  Bugs.

Me:  Bugs on the ground?

Mabel:  Everywhere. In the air.

Me:  Oh. Well, bugs live outside Mabes. We don't have to be afraid of them. They're much smaller than we are.

Mabel:  But they fly. They get on me.

Me:  Uh huh. But they don't hurt you, right? They just go about their business.

Mabel:  You mean they go to work?

Me:  Sure, they have jobs to do and they're out getting their work done.

Mabel:  (Snorts) That's ridiculous.

Me:  Look closely,  I think that one has a briefcase.

Mabel:  MOMMY!

Me:  I'm just kidding. But they have jobs, and our big feet sometimes make it hard for them to do what they need to do.

Mabel:  Because they're stinky?

Me:  No. Because they have to worry that we might step on them or be afraid and swat them.

Mabel:  Swat?

Me:  Swat means hit.

Mabel:  Hitting isn't nice. We don't hit people.

Me:  Well, we shouldn't hit bugs either. We just get out of their way and wish them well.

Mabel:  I'm not going to hit bugs. I'm not going to run from them either, because I might step on them.

Me:  Good idea Mabes.


A wasp floats lazily around Mabel. She stands perfectly still and screams at the top of her lungs - horror movie scream - pure terror. Despite this, the wasp takes awhile to float away.


Mabel:  See Mommy? While I was screaming I was thinking about good things happening to that bug. I wished him well.

Mabel:  Good for you,  Mabesy.

Me:   Well, it's just like this - I'm growing up.

Wet Nurse

Mabel:  Mommy, pretend I was your baby and you said 'it's time to go to sleep baby.'

Me:  Baby, it's time to go to sleep.

Mabel:  And you saw that baby was cold so you gave her a blanket and she liked it.

(Mabel makes her baby sound, which sounds like a cross between a bird and an insane person gurgling)

Me: Better cuddle up under this blanket, baby.

Mabel:  And then it was morning and your baby woke up and she wanted milk.

Me:  Good morning, my sweet baby. It's time for your milk.

Mabel:  No, not from a cup. Baby gets milk from Mommy's boob.

Me:  Uh, correction. Baby USED to get milk from there, now she gets it from a cup.

Mabel:  Nooooo! Baby gets milk from your boob!

Me:  Not anymore Mabes.

Mabel:  I'm not MABES!

Me:  Sorry, not anymore 'baby'.

Mabel:  But you're a bad Mommy if you don't let your baby have your boob.

Me:  I'll take my chances in court. How about some blueberries, baby?

Mabel:  Okay.  (Pause) Can you put them in your shirt and I'll find them?

Me:  Nope.

Mabel:  I don't want to be your baby anymore. I'm going to find a Mommy who'll let me have her boob to drink from.

Me:  Well, your best bet is to head to Whole Foods.

Mabel:  I'm taking my DOLLY and I'm GOING UPSTAIRS!

(Doing just that, she stomps on each one of our 14 stairs to drive home her point. There is silence from upstairs and 10 minutes later I go up to her room to check on her.)

Me:  Mabes?

Mabel:  I'm feeding my baby!

(She stands up, fully naked behind her bedroom door with her dolly pasted to her breast. )

Me:  Wow! You really get involved, huh?

Mabel:  Yeah. She's a good girl. But she's still thirsty. Maybe you should feed her.

Me:  Well, she's YOUR baby, and I think you're doing a great job.

Mabel:  Yeah, but I'm getting so tired.

Me:  Being a Mommy is pretty tiring Mabes. But it's great too.

Mabel:  Yeah. Mommy, can my baby just drink from a bottle? I'm tired of feeding her.

Me:  Sure Mabes.

Mabel:  Look! She drank so much there's nothing left in my boob! It's totally flat! Wow, I need a drink!

Me:  I'm so glad we started our blog.

Mabel:  Why Mommy?

Me:  Ask me 16 years from now.

Please. Eat.

Me:  Mabel, please sit down and eat your breakfast.

Mabel: Okay-okay-okay.

(Pause.)

Mabel: I'm sitting.

Me:  Now eat something, please. Mabel. Eat something. Please.

Mabel: What's the majick word?

Me:  I said it.

Mabel:  No you didn't, Mommy.

Me:  Yes, I did. Now eat.

Mabel:  Mommy, you know the word I like to hear. Why don't you say it?

Me:  Yes, I did say it Mabel! Now EAT please! That's the magic word, I said it, now EAT!

Mabel:  That's where the majick word goes, right there, after 'eat', 'NOW EAT PLEASE'! You have to say please, Mommy. It's majick.

Me:  Mabel, you're magic, you're making me nuts. No kidding. Now stop stalling and eat something please, or I'm eating your breakfast myself and you'll be hungry.

Mabel:  Nooooo!

Me:  Then please eat!

Mabel: OKAY-OKAY-OKA-A-AY!

(Mabel eats two bites in silence.)

Mabel: Mommy, I love you.

Me:  I love you too, Mabes.

Mabel:  I have a hug for you.

Me:  Stay in your chair Mabes, you can give me the hug after you eat.

Mabel: Hug-gy!

(I reluctantly allow her to get out of her chair. I receive a lovely hug and kiss.)

Mabel: Hug for Daddy!

(Daddy receives same.)

Me:  Thank you Mabel, now back to your breakfast please.

(Mabel returns to her chair. She takes another bite.)

Mabel:  I'm full. I'm not hungry anymore.

Me: Mabes, you have to eat.  You can't go to daycare on an empty stomach. They won't give you any food until lunchtime and you'll be hungry.

Mabel:  No, I'm full.

Me:  No way, Mabes. You're eating more, you're not wasting that food.

Mabel:  Noooooo! I don't want anymore! My tummy hurts!

Me:  Mabel! You're fibbing! You just want to leave the table! YOU HAVE TO EAT! If you want to go to play, you have to eat!

Mabel:  I'm full!

Me:  Fine! But there are no snacks coming before lunch. I need you to know that.

Mabel:  I know! I don't want a snack!

Me:  Alright. Fine. You're excused.

(I start cleaning up the table. Mabel plays around me. She follows me into the kitchen as I carry her plate.)

Mabel: (very quietly) I don't want a snack, Mommy.  K'nai have a popsicle tho?

Me: Too soon, Mabes. (handing her her breakfast plate) Back to the table.